👽 THE ORIGIN
Baltazar was a junior research scientist from Planet Zorp-9. His mission was simple: fly to Earth, collect 3 soil samples, and return home. A 45-minute assignment. That was 7 Earth years ago.
On minute 12, Baltazar discovered pizza. He ate 14 slices, cried (his species cries from their elbows), and declared Earth "the greatest planet in the known universe." He has not collected a single soil sample since.
His home planet has sent 4,312 recall notices. He marked them all as spam. He now lives in a Walmart parking lot in New Mexico, drives a 2004 Honda Civic (cloaked), and has a Costco membership he's extremely proud of.